I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
