Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
