if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
