is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
