There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
