How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
