We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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