Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
