There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
