I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
