I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
