yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They are going to name an STD after you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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