I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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