And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
