dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
