I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize