Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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