She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
