Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i barfeds in our rink
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
