yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
