no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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