you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
