Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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