I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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