3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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