Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
