loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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