Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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