you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
