margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
