I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
