honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
