she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
