Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
