So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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