Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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