yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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