Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
