erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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