Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
