You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
