I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
