Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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