Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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