Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
