I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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