this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
