She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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