There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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