I just threw up on my dentist
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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