I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it's like iHOP with fire
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
