Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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