Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
