Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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