your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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