Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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