Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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