Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
