Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
