Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
