I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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