He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
