This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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