my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize