We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm like, not good at living.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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