Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize