So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
