Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
