I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
